Internet Troubles

As you may have noticed, my internet was out the entire weekend (I'm hoping you noticed. What if I got raped and killed? I need someone to notify the police.) To make matters worse, the Ex-Con offered me a "Mexican Lolipop". For those of you who don't know what that is: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mexican+lolipop Ah hell no! To make matters worse, he starts bragging about his night. He had a few drinks and then had sex. Seriously? Nigger, you're 40, just got done living with your parents, unemployed, no money who would even consider doing such a thing with you? I must be in Hell. I'm in Utah, surrounded by sexy racist white women and there's no internet. "But Fel," I can hear you say "The women aren't racist in Utah, you just need to ask them out." And I'm more than willing to respond to that, just give me a moment to stop laughing at your ignorant ass.

Ahahahahahahaha.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok, I'm good. I'll have you know I actually asked out 4 women to the movies and left my number with a waitress. No call from the waitress and none of the women wanted to go to the movies with me. No one wanted me to pay for them to watch a movie and the only thing they needed to do was sit next to me. Even women who hate me take up that offer, granted the last time I went to the movies with a chick here in Utah she put two seats between me and her (true story but she was Asian, not White. Asians can never pass up a good deal.). And yet this guy got pussy for free? And you have the balls to claim Utah women aren't racist? Not even Obama has that much audacity. Moving on to another roommate. One retard moved out before the internet died (how suspicious) so now our house is down to just one retard, which is below average for a Utah household. But our retard is picking up the slack. I was eating lunch on Sunday and he came up to me and informed me that the internet was out. I told him I knew. It had been down all weekend. I tried calling the company but there's no one there on the weekend. He nodded and headed off, only to return a few minutes later to tell me the internet was out. I think he's broken. Though this time he did ask me a question. "Is your place hiring?" I didn't know, it's not like we post wanted posters in the office. So I told him to check the website. "I can't do that." Why not? "The internet is down." Mother******. I wish the story ended here but it doesn't. Later that night, I just got up from sleeping and he told me the internet was back up. Now I'm excited, like a crack addict who just got a hit of the stuff. I run back to my room only to discover that the internet is still down. I run back up to ask him about it. He says the internet works just fine on his phone...that has 3G. I think we need to put him down like Yeller. And I would've but the Ex-Con was there, laying down on the couch, shirtless. -_- Well, the weekend of over, my ass is unraped and the internet is back. I'm not gonna lie, it was scary for a few moments there.