There are very few things in life I'm ashamed of doing. My
friends can tell you that. Blaming others for my faults and problems. No
problem. Constantly whining. Well, I was born whining. Buying enough cotton
candy to kill an entire busload of diabetic kids? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Asking out that transgender woman. I'm a free-loving, adventurous guy. Purchasing
anal warts cream. Hey, it could happen to anyone. But the hardest thing I've
done, by far, is buying fried chicken.
Normally, I have friends buy it for me and I hide in some
corner as they pay the cashier (also, I mooch off friends but I repay them with
my friendship so it's all fair). But I don't have that luxury here in Utah . I've resisted
buying fried chicken for almost 3 months now but the deli at my local store
finally drew me in. Here's how it went.
Deli Worker: Hi, what would you like?
Me: I'm still deciding.
Inner Me: Still deciding? Whatever. Get the chicken!
Deli Worker: Ok, just let me know when you're ready to order.
Inner Me: C'mon, we both know you want the cock.
Me: That doesn't mean what you think.
Deli Worker: Sorry?
Me: What would you recommend?
Inner Me: She would recommend the chicken!
Deli Worker: The chicken is really good.
Inner Me: See? Get the chicken!!
Deli Worker: The bean burritos are a delicious option for vegetarians.
Inner Me: Vegetarian? She's insulting you. Get the chicken! Bawk bawk!
Me: I'll get the chicken.
Inner Me: Wohoo! Chicken, chicken, chicken! Can't wait to get those cocks in my mouth.
Me: Why you do this to me? :'(
Is there anything you readers are ashamed of buying?
Watermelon. Whenever I walk into a grocery store in Utah I head down the fruit aisle, I imagine two douchy looking white boys (who are obviously old enough to know better) pointing and snickering at me because I'm close to the watermelon. I imagine them waiting with baited breath just to see if I'm going to purchase it.
ReplyDeleteI would buy watermelon but I don't have a knife sharp enough to cut it nor anyone to share it with.
Delete#poorsingleblackpeopleproblems.
Head to Harbor Freight Tools and search for a ceramic knife. They are kind of expensive, but worth it. I believe it could be found in the houseware aisle.
ReplyDelete