Night Life

You ever have one of those moments where something so weird and bizarre happens that you have to stop and think "Did that really happen?" You see, I was trying to get some well-deserved sleep, like the innocent guy that I am, but my roommate from the next wall over was busy talking to someone on the phone. The only thing I picked up was that he asked the person to pick something up along the way and some directions (which he had to give a second time because whoever it was got lost.).

When the friend arrived, they began talking loudly, from the outside, inside the house, to the living room and eventually downstairs to his room, right next to mine. The last thing I heard was something about money. And then, loud metal music began playing. And then it hit me, new person who didn't know when we lived, talk about money, loud music late at night in a house where loud music at any time is forbidden. He got a hooker. I definitely wasn't getting sleep any time soon. I grabbed my Playstation Vita and headed up to the living room.

The living room only provided sanctuary for a moment because the noises just kept getting louder and louder. She was screaming, someone was getting spanked (I sure hope there wasn't a baby down there) and in the background the heavy metal that did little to drown out the other sounds. Normally, I'm really good at drowning things out, I did grow up with a louder younger sibling after all, but this is different. No matter how into my game I got, that feeling of uneasiness remained.

2 hours later, things were finally over. At least now I'll finally be able to see what a Utah hooker looks like. I was imagining someone in a dress with a Book of Mormon and I was half-right (about the dress part, for those of you who have trouble putting on pants in the morning). Let me say this, if you're looking for hookers, stay far away from Utah. This chick was so fat and ugly, you'd have to pay me to fuck her. And that's only after I made sure that my medical costs were covered for whatever tests I'd need to take the day after. Worse yet, she was completely rude. Just walked passed me without even a hello. Just because you're a whore doesn't mean you can't be courteous, lady.

I don't know why but my roommate got frustrated with me, because he thought I was being judgmental. Which wasn't completely unfounded, I did judge him. Not for the hooker thing, I can totally get why you'd want that. But for getting someone so hideous. I mean, this had to be a dollar hooker who gave you 75 cents change back. The fact that anyone would waste money on this, it makes me loose hope in capitalism. She had a bigger gut than I did, almost a beer belly, and my ass is way finer than hers (not that I'd let him spank it, so she has that over me). Plus, if anyone should be mad, it should be me. I'm the only one in the house who had no sleep that night and I had work the next day. And I didn't even get any fun out of it. >(

With the internet down again (I just now got it back on Wednesday), almost getting heatstroke and a no-sleep Sunday due to hooker-doing not done by me. This has definitely been the worst weekend ever.